Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
