I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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