her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
