Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
