I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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