think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
