and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize