HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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