2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
