this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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