I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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