I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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