Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
