i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
