I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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