So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
