I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
