Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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