haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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