I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
God, I missed his penis.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
