My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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