They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
