We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
