she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
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He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
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I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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