I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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