Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My ass is underappreciated
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
