i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
