i may or may not be watching the land before time
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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