the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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