Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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