I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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