New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
