The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
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My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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