whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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