And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
