im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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