i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
