they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
