nut hugger
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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