my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
