Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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