I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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