Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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