Ambien. No doubt about it.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
