Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
