I cannot find my penis.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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