Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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