You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
