my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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