how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
