Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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