My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
