2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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