The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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