not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize