I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
