I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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