hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
