Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
