hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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