Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
