Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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