Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
