i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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