TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
