I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
