Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
