I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
