Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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